I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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