I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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