dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
