I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
