Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
