I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
