just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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