he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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