I think I died a long time ago.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
