dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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