youre lurking in front of me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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