Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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