no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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