Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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