I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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