I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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