When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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