Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
