This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
