you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
