Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
