He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
