she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
