He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize