I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
