how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
