Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
