I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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