I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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