It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
