He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
