Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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