About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
