I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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