too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
