im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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