that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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