remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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