Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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