I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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