Your tits are I can't wait for
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
