We won't sleep together?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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