Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
