One girl and one boy is just not enough.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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