I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
