There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
