Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
