Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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