So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
