how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
