Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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