ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
