Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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