Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
