I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
