I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
