I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
