uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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