He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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