I accidentally burped into my bong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
