Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
