He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
