I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
