She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
