I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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