I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
