im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
