I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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