her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize