i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
