she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
