This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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