i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
