good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
