Can i not drive my cunt home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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