It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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