all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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