I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
