There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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