We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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