I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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