Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
