i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
