It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
