JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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