these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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