I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
