my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
