My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize