The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
