Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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