Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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