Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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